Lead Yourself First: Kirsty Koen on the Leadership Journey That Starts Within

STRONGHER BY STRONGYES

Kirsty Koen has led people through transformation across four continents and every ownership model there is. Her conclusion after more than twenty years is quieter than you would expect: the hardest person to lead, and the first, is yourself. In conversation with Ishta Handa on influence without imitation, why resistance is really grief, and the one thing AI will never do for you.

Kirsty Koen is Group Chief HR Officer at IDS Borjomi International, a Chartered Fellow of the CIPD and an executive coach, with more than twenty years leading HR transformation across FMCG, logistics, retail and diversified business groups. She is based in Dubai.

Kirsty Koen has been likened to an albatross: a bird that soars with a wide view of the open sea, then plunges without hesitation the moment it is time to catch a fish. It is the description she reaches for when asked about her own leadership, and after an hour in conversation with her, it is hard to improve on. She holds the enterprise view and the ground-level detail at once, and she moves between them on purpose.

She has had a lot of terrain to survey. Her career has run across publicly listed companies, family businesses, private equity-backed organisations and multinationals, and across Africa, the Middle East, Central Asia and Europe. She has led transformation in most of them. Yet the throughline of this conversation is not strategy or structure or systems, the usual furniture of a senior HR career. It is self-awareness. After twenty years, and nearly as long working with an executive coach, Kirsty has arrived at a belief she states without any hedging: the greatest act of leadership is leading yourself first.

What follows is that argument, worked out across her career in transformation, talent and the boardroom, and offered, at the end, to the next woman deciding how to build influence without becoming someone else.

Zoom out, then zoom in

You describe yourself as someone who can see the big picture but isn’t afraid to get into the detail. Has that always been your style, or did you develop it?

Early in my career, I spent far more time in the detail. That is how you build expertise, understand your craft and earn credibility. My advice to anyone who has worked with me is the same: know the nuts and bolts, know your trade. That is your starting point, because how else can you lead others through it?

As my career evolved, I realised the value I brought was not in knowing every answer. It was in knowing which details mattered, and detail looks different at different levels. I learned that early in a new role. I could see the strategy and I wanted to start moving on it, but I hadn’t yet mapped where the real influence sat in the organisation. Not the version on the org chart, the actual one: who the Board genuinely listened to, which conversations happened in the room and which happened outside it. Now it is a conscious habit to understand who holds the informal power, not just the formal mandate.

I zoom out to understand the strategy, the commercial context, the external environment and the long-term direction. Then I zoom back in to see whether the organisation’s capabilities, its leadership, talent and culture, are actually aligned to deliver that strategy. Leaders have to connect the enterprise vision with what happens every day across the business. Leadership isn’t choosing between strategy and execution. It is constantly moving between the two. That is where the albatross comes from, and it has been a very conscious development journey.

Change is grief in disguise

You’ve led transformation across industries, countries and cultures. When organisations change, what’s the first human reaction leaders tend to underestimate?

Loss, dressed up as resistance. What we routinely label “resistance to change” is grief in disguise. I have seen this pattern repeatedly. People aren’t only being asked to adopt a new strategy, structure or system. They are being asked to let go of something that gave them certainty. That loss takes many forms: a trusted leader, a familiar team, a way of working, status, expertise, relationships, or simply the comfort of knowing what tomorrow looks like. Most of the time it is a combination of several at once.

I find it helpful to treat change like any major life transition. Before people can embrace what’s ahead, they need space to process what they’re leaving behind. Every new beginning contains an ending. Some deny the need for change, some feel anxious or frustrated, some try to hold onto the past. With the right support, they begin to accept the new reality and move forward. Those reactions aren’t signs of resistance. They are signs of humanity. Our role as leaders isn’t to rush people through it. It is to acknowledge what’s being lost, create space for honest conversations, explain why the change matters and guide people toward what’s possible.

Transformation doesn’t succeed because programmes are perfectly managed. It succeeds because people are thoughtfully led.

You’ve championed talent and organisational design for years. What’s one decision about people that felt risky at the time but proved right?

Some of the riskiest people decisions I’ve made were advising against a hire when everyone else at the table wanted to say yes. Those are lonely moments. On paper the person often looked exceptional. The experience was there, the technical capability was there, and sometimes the pressure to make the hire was high.

I’ve learned that the biggest hiring risks are not on the CV. They are in the things you can’t easily measure: how someone shows up, their values, their judgement, their ability to build trust, their self-awareness, the impact they will have on the culture and the team. Sometimes, after an interview or watching the dynamics unfold, I’d have an instinct that something wasn’t quite right, and I couldn’t always point to one obvious reason. That is difficult, because you’re asking people to trust your read on the intangibles, the things you feel and observe but can’t always articulate to everyone’s satisfaction. What experience gives you is pattern recognition. You start to see what isn’t immediately obvious to others, and with that comes a responsibility to speak up even when your view isn’t the most comfortable one in the room.

The times I ignored that instinct, I regretted it. The times I had the courage to stand by it, it protected the organisation from a far bigger problem. Instinct on its own isn’t enough, of course. It has to be grounded in experience, evidence and thoughtful challenge. But when it comes to people, the decisions you don’t make can matter as much as the ones you do. Leadership isn’t just about making popular decisions. It’s about making responsible ones.

Influence is understanding

Your career has spanned listed companies, family businesses, private equity and multinationals. What has that diversity taught you that no single organisation could?

One of the biggest shifts in my thinking happened when I started moving between ownership models. Early on, I assumed my HR expertise would be the thing that made me successful. I quickly realised it wasn’t. I had a strong foundation from working across different functions, but what I came to understand, and understood more clearly the larger my scope became, was that leaders didn’t want an HR expert sitting at the executive table. They wanted someone who understood the business, understood the pressures they were under and could help solve enterprise-wide challenges.

That changed how I lead. I became far more curious about how value is created, how different governance models shape decisions and what success looks like in each environment. And while those models are very different, what surprised me was what didn’t change. Whether it was a listed company focused on shareholder expectations, a private equity business driving value creation or a family business balancing commercial decisions with legacy, people wanted the same things. Clarity. Leaders they could trust. To understand where the organisation was going and how they could contribute.

There isn’t one leadership playbook that works everywhere. Good leaders adapt their approach to the environment without compromising their values. That, to me, is enterprise leadership: understanding the business deeply enough to create value beyond your own function, while never forgetting that every strategy is ultimately delivered by people.

Many women spend years earning credibility in the boardroom. What helped you build influence at the executive table without losing your own style?

Honestly, that’s a better question for the Board members and executives I’ve worked alongside than it is for me. I’d be fascinated to hear their answer.

But if I reflect on it, what has helped is taking the time to truly understand every stakeholder around the table. Every executive and Board member sees the business through a different lens, driven by different priorities and accountabilities. I’ve always invested time in understanding what matters most to each of them: what they’re trying to achieve, the pressures they carry, the perspective they lead from. That lets me frame conversations and design solutions that genuinely help them succeed while advancing what’s right for the organisation.

I’m in a fortunate position, because I experience a 360 view of the organisation through people, data and daily conversations at every level. That is where my real value sits. I see patterns in data and behaviour that let me anticipate their impact on the business long before they surface, patterns many others don’t have visibility of. Turning that into tangible value is what influence actually is. I’ll ask the uncomfortable questions when they need to be asked, but always with respect, integrity and a genuine commitment to the organisation’s success. And that takes courage.

You’ve worked across Africa, the Middle East, Central Asia and Europe. Has leading across cultures made you more confident in your instincts, or more willing to challenge your assumptions?

Without a doubt, more willing to challenge my assumptions. I’ve lived this myself. I was born in the UK, moved to a completely different part of the world as a child and was schooled across two other countries after that. Then I built a career doing it again and again, into new markets, new cultures, new rooms full of people who had no reason to trust me yet.

The great lesson is that the further you work across cultures, the more you realise your own way is simply one way, not the way. Early on, I probably believed that if something worked in one country, it could be replicated elsewhere. Experience taught me otherwise. Every culture has its own values, history, decision-making style and relationship with leadership. What builds trust in one place can create distance in another. What motivates people in one culture may not resonate at all in the next.

So whenever I enter a new country or organisation, I try to understand before I seek to influence. I listen, observe and ask questions. I want to understand the cultural context, the unwritten rules and what really matters to people before I propose anything. And yet I’ve also found something universal: wherever I’ve worked, people want to feel respected, heard, valued and part of something meaningful. The way you demonstrate those things differs, but the human need behind them is remarkably consistent. Global leadership taught me that confidence isn’t having all the answers. It’s having the humility to keep learning.

What AI can’t do

As AI reshapes organisations, where should leaders embrace it wholeheartedly, and where should they deliberately slow down and keep people at the centre?

Leaders should embrace AI wherever it removes friction, increases insight and frees people to spend more time on work that creates real value. It helps us analyse data faster, spot patterns we’d otherwise miss, automate routine tasks and improve the speed and quality of decisions.

Where we need to apply our minds is around AI influencing decisions that fundamentally shape people’s lives. The moment we’re deciding on hiring, performance, promotions, careers or organisational change, we have to remember that AI can inform those decisions, but it should not replace human judgement. Technology can tell us what is happening. It may even suggest why. But it can’t understand context, culture, relationships, values or the nuances behind every human decision.

As AI becomes more powerful, I actually think the human side of leadership matters more, not less. Judgement, empathy, courage, ethical decision-making, the ability to navigate ambiguity, these become more valuable precisely because they’re the things AI can’t genuinely replicate. It isn’t a choice between AI and people. The organisations that combine the strengths of both will create the most over time. AI should do what technology does best, and leaders should do what humans can do best: build trust, exercise wisdom and help people thrive through change.

Leading yourself first

You’ve worked with an executive coach for nearly two decades. How has that changed the leader, and the person, you’ve become?

When I started nearly twenty years ago, I thought coaching would help me become a better leader. Looking back, it first helped me become a better human being.

The greatest gift it gave me was self-awareness: understanding my own patterns, what drives me, what triggers me, where I create value and where I get in my own way. It taught me to notice the stories I was telling myself, to be curious about my reactions and to choose my response rather than simply react. That changed me as a leader, because I became far more curious, less interested in having the answers and more interested in asking better questions. More comfortable with uncertainty, more willing to listen, much less attached to being right.

But it also changed me as a person. I’m a better wife, mother, daughter and friend. More patient, more present, more compassionate, not just with others but with myself. Growth isn’t about becoming someone different. It’s about understanding yourself well enough to become the very best version of who you already are. That’s why I believe the greatest act of leadership is leading yourself first. Once you understand your values, your strengths, your blind spots and your impact on others, you show up differently in every part of your life. Better, for yourself and for the people around you.

After more than twenty years leading transformation, what’s one belief about leadership you’ve completely changed your mind about?

Leadership itself. Earlier in my career I believed that with the right strategy, the right structure and a well-executed plan, transformation would follow, and that leaders instinctively knew the role they had to play in it. I no longer believe that’s true.

I’m now very clear that transformation happens at the intersection of three systemic forces: strategy, leadership and culture. Strategy provides direction; it tells us where we’re going and why it matters. Culture determines whether change becomes embedded; it’s the collective behaviours and beliefs that shape what people do every day. Leadership is the bridge between the two. It translates strategy into clarity, decisions, behaviours and momentum, and it gives people the confidence that the future is worth committing to.

What I’ve learned is that stepping into the role of leader isn’t automatic. It has to be a conscious development journey, and leading transformation demands an extraordinary level of self-awareness. Before you can create clarity for others, you have to understand yourself: your reactions to uncertainty, your communication style, your impact on others and the behaviours you model every day.

Life throws transitions at all of us: moving countries, changing jobs, retrenchment, marriage, children, early signs of menopause. How have you stayed on your path through all of it?

This is one of those questions where life teaches you far more than your career ever does. Nobody tells you that the biggest threat to your career plan usually isn’t your career. It’s life.

I’ve moved countries, changed jobs, been retrenched, become a wife, had two beautiful daughters, and I’m now navigating the early signs of menopause. None of that was on my original plan, and each one forced me to stop and recalibrate. Retrenchment was probably the hardest, because for the first time I had to separate my identity from my job title. It made me realise that who I am is so much bigger than the role I hold. Having my daughters changed me differently. They’re watching me every day, learning what confidence and self-worth look like, and how women lead, not from what I tell them but from what they see me do. If I want them to believe they belong in any room they choose to walk into, they need to see me believe that about myself first.

The same is true at work. Whether we realise it or not, people are always watching, learning what’s acceptable, what’s possible and what confidence looks like from us. The one thing that has kept me on course through every transition is coaching. It taught me to lead myself first, to stay grounded in what matters and respond intentionally rather than react to whatever season I was in. Life will always change and careers will evolve. But if you stay anchored to your values and keep growing through each season, you don’t lose your way. You simply become a different, and hopefully better, version of yourself.

For the next woman at the table

If a young woman starting out asked how to build influence without becoming someone else, what would you tell her? And what advice should she ignore?

The first thing I’d tell her is: don’t confuse influence with visibility. Early in our careers it’s easy to believe we need to speak the most, have all the answers or behave like the people who already have influence. We copy their habits, their behaviours, even their personalities, because we think that’s what leadership looks like. Real influence isn’t being the loudest voice or the person everyone notices. It’s consistently creating value.

Be curious. Learn the business. Understand what matters to the people around you. Build genuine relationships. Deliver what you say you will. Over time, people begin to trust your judgement, and trust is the foundation of both influence and credibility. I’d also encourage her to embrace what makes her different rather than trying to fit an existing mould. Authenticity isn’t behaving the same way every day. It’s staying true to your values while adapting your style to the situation. You don’t have to become someone else to earn a seat at the table. But you do have to keep growing.

The advice I’d tell her to ignore is “fake it until you make it.” I prefer “learn it until you lead it.” Confidence doesn’t come from pretending to know things you don’t. It comes from preparation, curiosity, continuous learning and experience. Some of the most respected leaders I’ve worked with are comfortable saying, “I don’t know, but I’ll find out.”

I’d also encourage her to ignore the idea that leadership is about proving yourself, that you have to prove you’re smart enough, experienced enough, deserving enough. Leadership isn’t about proving yourself. It’s about improving yourself. Every challenge, every difficult conversation, every piece of feedback is a chance to grow. Ironically, when you stop trying to prove yourself, people start trusting you more. And don’t fall into the trap of believing leadership is a competition. You don’t need to become one of the boys, and you certainly don’t need to compete with other women. There is room for all of us to succeed.

So, don’t try to be impressive. Try to be valuable. Keep learning, keep growing, create value wherever you go. Influence isn’t something you chase. It’s something you earn through the person you become. And lastly, don’t forget to breathe along the way. A career is a marathon, not a sprint.